Loved and Wanted: Deciding What to Do With Our Embryos

Loved and Wanted: Deciding What to Do With Our Embryos

In my last post, I shared how our family came to be. But our story didn't end when our family was complete. We still had embryos in the freezer, and I knew I needed to decide what to do with them.

Paying for embryos we'd never use

Every year, we paid $1,000 to keep our embryos in storage. Every year, I wrote that check knowing our family was complete. I'd had a hysterectomy, so there was no chance I'd ever use them myself.

I asked my cousins if they wanted them, but they didn't need them or it wasn't the way they wanted to grow their family. It is a very personal choice.

Still, I couldn't just let them go. I had put my body through so much to create those embryos, and I loved them. They weren't just "leftovers" in a lab. They were loved and wanted. I needed to do something meaningful with them. I just didn't know what yet.

The news story that changed everything

Then I saw a story on ABC News about agencies that offer embryo adoption. I had never heard of it, and I thought it was incredible. Families who were struggling to conceive could adopt embryos, carry them, and give birth to their own babies.

That was the sign I'd been waiting for. Our embryos could become someone else's answered prayer.

Jumping through the hoops

I contacted one of the embryo adoption programs in the country. (I'm not naming which one.)

It took months for them to collect all my medical records and confirm that our embryos were high quality and eligible for adoption. Michael and I both had to complete required medical testing and send in all our paperwork. We met with an adoption case manager several times, and with an adoption psychologist who helped us think through the process and look at it from every angle.

Once all of that was done, we were finally added to the match pool.

Think of it like Tinder for embryos. Both sides have to swipe right. (For the record, I've never been on Tinder!)

We were given a few family profiles and found one we really connected with. We told our case manager we'd love to move forward with her. But before we even got to meet her, she chose another donor family.

Six months and nowhere to show for it

After six months with that agency, we had nothing to show for it. All we learned was that our embryos were healthy enough to be adopted, and we already knew that.

It felt like a total waste of time.

Finding another way

So I started doing my own research. That's when I found embryo adoption groups on Facebook, where donor families can post their own profiles and match privately with recipient families.

Who knew there were so many families out there hoping to adopt embryos? And who knew agencies were charging them thousands upon thousands of dollars to play monkey in the middle?

I wrote up our family's profile and posted it.

And that's where things finally started to happen.